


Regret

by sassykenzie1



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Crying, M/M, Regret, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:40:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25851481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassykenzie1/pseuds/sassykenzie1
Summary: After Jean can't save Armin twice in one day, he starts to feel like he can't save anyone.
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Jean Kirstein
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	Regret

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally going to be a fic where Jean comforts Armin after getting molested, but it turned out a lot different than that.

Jean stares straight ahead. He’s seeing but at the same time, he’s not. He can see that pervert rubbing himself all over Armin and he can see the tears gathering in Armin’s eyes, but he can’t see anything around them. He wants to stop it. Probably could. These amateurs didn’t even tie them up properly, but that’d give them away. He has to deal with seeing Armin, his Armin, getting harassed. 

He can hear the little whimpers Armin is making, though it seems like their captor is mistaking them for sounds of pleasure. Armin turns his head and looks Jean directly in the face. Jean looks away. He knows he should protect his love, protect Armin like Armin had protected him multiple times, but he can’t bring himself to. The whole plan would be screwed.

Jean faintly hears the sound of ODM gear and figures one of the others in Squad Levi is reporting to Captain Levi. He closes his eyes and begs for them to hurry and vows to himself to never be Eren’s body double again. ‘Screw being that suicidal punk!’

Eventually, their squad rescues them, though they don’t have long to rest. The real Eren and Historia are being taken by the Military Police and some dude named Kenny. Jean glances at the still shaking Armin and tells himself he will talk to Armin once they get the chance. They meet up with Captain Levi and chase the wagon. 

They face the Military Police and Jean knows he needs to pull the trigger first, but he can’t bring himself to. That’s another human...Jean is staring down the barrel of a gun and he’s gonna die because he wants to be humane? Time seems to slow down and he hears a gunshot. He’s expecting pain but it never comes. Time speeds up again and the Military Police woman slumps over. Armin has a gun pointed where the woman’s head had previously been and he’s shaking again.

Jean slumps over, disappointed in himself. He was weak, so his boyfriend had to go through more trauma because of him. Jean knows he can’t be weak anymore. Jean feels like a failure even as he watches Armin dry heave into a canal. It’s his fault Armin’s freaking out. He wasn’t strong enough. He wasn’t strong enough to save Marco, and now he’s not strong enough to save Armin.

Once they finally get a night to rest, Jean seeks out Armin. Armin is sitting there, seemingly in his own little world. “Oi, Armin?”

“Jean?”

Jean sits next to him, sniffles once, and takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

Armin looks at him, eyebrows furrowing. “Sorry for what, Jean?”

“I couldn’t save you.”

“Jean? What do you mean? Of course you’ve saved me. I’m still alive, aren’t I?”

“Not from death. From people. I couldn’t save you from that man that was touching you and I couldn’t save you from having to kill that woman.”

“If you’d saved me from that man, the plan would have failed and--”

Jean suddenly slams his fist on the table, making Armin jump. “The plan did fail! We lost Eren and Historia and we have no idea where they are! If I’d stopped him, we would have lost them all the same!”

Armin slowly sets his palm on top of Jean’s fist. “Jean, you didn’t know the plan was going to fail. You did what you thought was right at that moment. I’m just glad I was the one in that warehouse and not Historia. As for the Military Police woman, if I was in your position, I would have hesitated as well. The only reason I didn’t is that you were in danger. Just like when we were getting Eren back from Reiner and Bertholdt, I put myself in a dangerous position I’d never let myself be in otherwise just to save you. Jean, you did fine.”

Jean sees the tears soaking into the wooden table before he feels them on his cheeks. He lets Armin pull his head against his chest as he sobs like a baby. “Armin, I’m sick of not being able to save people.”

“I know, Jean. We all do. I wish I could have saved everyone in my squad back in Trost. I know Eren has people he wishes he could have saved. His mom, Mr. Hannes...I’m sure even Captain Levi has people he wishes he could have saved. Even Commander Erwin. It’s a part of being human, Jean. Failure and remorse. Guilt. That’s a Scout’s life, I guess.”

Jean pants as he lets Armin’s words settle over him. “Armin,” Jean asks quietly, almost a whisper. “Do you think Marco resents me? For not being able to save him?”

“I’m sure he doesn’t.” 

Armin pulls Jean up and looks him in the eye before leaning in and kissing him. They didn’t kiss often, so when they did, it felt more special. It was usually only before a big mission. “Let’s sleep, Jean. If you still feel this way tomorrow, I’ll get everyone on Squad Levi and Squad Hanji to assure you, everyone has regrets.”

Armin grabs Jean’s hand and guides him to his feet and then to bed. When Eren wakes them up the next morning, he whispers to Jean. “Armin was right. We all have regrets.”

Jean smiles. Maybe they were right. Maybe regret was a part of the Scout’s life. Maybe regret is what made them human. Titans didn’t regret. Bertholdt didn’t seem to regret. They must not be human then. “Jean,” Sasha calls over Connie’s shoulder. “You’ll miss out on today’s meal! Hurry up!” His smile widens as he makes his way towards his friends. His allies. The ones he has, can and will save.

**Author's Note:**

> I put "Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings" because there is nonconsensual touching but it's not a central part of the story. If you feel like I should add "Rape/Non-Con" let me know.


End file.
